ssforeverss

Alone. Still coping.

2011-10-21T20:39:00.001+08:00

Recent emotional posts are all probably due to PMS.

Anyways, i really feel lonely. Especially since everyone is busy. Aida started her school.. Syaz i forever busy.. Nab forever test.. Ipah? Aint counting on her to complain every single thing.

Still coping though. Still am.

Ex, you are really something.

STILL, THAT DOESNT CHANGE ANYTHING. :')

Please be safe

2011-10-21T08:59:00.001+08:00

I think your last call was... Last week? And as usual, i am sickeningly worried about you. Never fail to make me worried, huh?

I am expecting you to call me on the 28th. Since you'll be flying off on 29th.. Unless you really want to avoid me.

I've been listening to so many news about people jumping off the building, hit by vehicles, found in jungles, etc. Nauzubillahiminzalik. Oh Allah, please watch over him.. Please, i beg You... Ex, be safe ok?

I want you, to atleast return safely to your homeland. And i know, you've been wanting to celebrate eid adha with your parents badly. In case everyone dont know, the celebration over there is more to eid adha & maulid. He was surprised by the festivity we have during aidilfitri.

Speaking of aidilfitri... I'm so glad i had that experience to celebrate it with you last year. That was the time you chose to be with me rather than your family. But i crashed it all now. Sorry, dear.

So sad to let it all go this way. But i have to.

Yes or No?

2011-10-20T15:55:00.001+08:00

Its really time to let go, isnt it?

Sadly, it is.
If only you change. If only you understand.
IF ONLY.

Why does it hurt so much then? If this is my choice, my decision, WHY does it has to hurt this much?

Getting over you.

2011-10-20T14:15:00.001+08:00

I am back to blogging. Need some space to let it all out. Fb & twitter not helping. So.. Here i am. And i dont care if no one reads this. All the better, you see.

Life has been good so far. The only difference now and then is YOU. I happened to make a decision which affects both of us. We still care about each other. Atleast, i still do. But i guees some things are not meant for each other, even when both have mutual feelings, other things that surrounds us will be the factor to part our way.

I made that critical decision because i'm worried. Worried about what my future would be if i'm with you. No, not because of money. More of will. The will of you to change, the will for ne to accept if u dont change. I cant love u just the way u are, so why am i still with u, right?

Most importantly, religion. How am i going to lead a meaningful life when someone i marry to doesnt have strong faith? Doesnt have enough foundations to lead me? No, dont tell me i have to lead you. Might as well i'll be alone, forever.

Anyways, although whatever reason i state here wont make me forget you. Your kindness. Your acceptance. No one, seriously, NO ONE, has ever seen my worst. Except you. And of course, God.
You were there. You were. Just that its not enough to make me happy.

Next week will be the last week you'll be in Singapore. To be honest, my heart doesnt want to let u go. But i have to. I have to fight what my heart says to do. Because i know i'll hurt u more if i ask u to stay. Again. (i did that once, and the result? I hurt u deeply now)

Our relationship was complicated. But i'm glad i have known u. I'm glad for all the night calls, all the saturday meetups, all the "come fetch me from work and we'll have dinner and go home".. All of them. I'll cherish them.

And i'll pray for your best too. I'll pray you will have someone better, who if not successfully change u to a better person, will accept u just the way u are. :')

I miss you. I will miss you.

Love and loads of love,
One who will regret,
Zuliana.

mixed feelings

2010-11-18T17:01:00.001+08:00

suddenly i have the urge to end everything.

to make it over.

you're getting crazier day by day.

i cant take it anymore.

rindu.

2010-11-09T17:36:00.002+08:00

rindu.

2010-11-02T14:42:00.000+08:00

KURUS PE AKU!

NI AFTER O LEVEL.

SEE WHAT O LEVEL CAN DO!

who am i?

2010-10-21T15:54:00.001+08:00

:)

2010-10-19T13:53:00.000+08:00

Finally,

the problems solved!

thank you dear.

NO U-TURN SIGN.

2010-10-19T09:23:00.003+08:00

no point regretting.

there is no way i can turn back.

words.

they can just come out of your mouth.

so thats why people say,

'fikir dulu sebelum cakap'.

this is, one of the many cases that will happen.

i am sorry, that i'd hurt you, in many ways.

truly sorry. that i made you look small.

i dont understand myself. so how do you expect me to understand you?

i really wish we will be together some day.

i will wait for that day to come.

i promise.

in the meantime, i hope you will find a better person than me.

i hope the better person will make you happy all your life.

i hope she will not be as stubborn as me, as fickle as me, as bad as me.

in conclusion, please find someone who is not similar to me at all.

while that, i will support you from the back.

i will be there when you need me.

i will be there to make you smile.

i will be there for you.

just to make sure you will get the best out of your life.

i'm sorry it ends this way.

i shall blame myself and not others.

for the words actually came from me.

THERE IS NO POINT REGRETTING, ZULIANA.

it hurts

2010-10-18T16:10:00.004+08:00

it looks like there is no hope.

but why do i keep on hoping?

it looks like i am sure gonna lose everything.

but why do i keep on hoping?

it feels much worse than before. much much worse.

i entrusted you my heart, for you to take care of it.

but you damage it even more.

worse than before.

i cant be crying here. this is the place for me to work,

to earn.

sigh.

hanye Allah saje yg tahu mcm mane sakit nye derite nye sengsare nye hati ini sekarang.

dan bile ujian macam ni dtg, ade jgk yg serupe tidak same muncul.

sigh.

we can pull through

2010-10-18T14:49:00.002+08:00

i believe, there is still hope.

i believe, our dreams are still alive.

so lets just hold on.

ironic. much. everytime, the story ends this way.

so please don't make it 'everytime'?

i'll be right here, waiting.

terhenti di sini

2010-10-18T10:29:00.003+08:00

putus harapan.

saye tak mampu. saye dah penat. penat sgt.

rupenye same aje semue.

biarlah, hati ini sakit, kecewe dan hampe buat kali terakhir. biarlah kali ni sakit sgt.

utk lebih kuat, saye harus tempuh dugaan ni dulu kan?

bile kebosanan yg teramat datang.

2010-10-15T10:33:00.002+08:00

rase macam nak book flight, pegi sejauh-jauhnye.

dan taknak balek.

bosan nye dudok Singapore!

mama! ayah! yok migrate gi dubai!

or new zealand uh? please?

tak kire ah. yg saye tau, saye dah penat, bosan, dan tkde minat lagi nak dudok kt Singapore.

bukan dulu ade minat la. cume. sebab, erm, dulu tk tau Singapore mcm mane kan. hingusan katekan.

singapore ni. tak keje, balek. shopping centre byk,. tapi tkleh shopping. duit tkde. gaji bulan2 dpt.

ntah kenape tk smpi sebulan dah bankrupt.

gaji pon sebenar nye boleh tahan ah, tapi ntah.

EH TAK TAUUUU AH~!

L.A.T.E

2010-10-14T09:50:00.002+08:00

woke up late.

reach office late.

and i think, my brain works at a much slower pace today.

-_____-'

i am so lucky.

because i have my mom as the alarm clock

(even though we are late. without her, i think everyone will wake up at 10am just now.)

i am so lucky.

because i have a good boss. dear God, thank you. please give me this boss everytime/everywhere i work. :D

and i am so lucky, for i am NOT a teacher.

because if i am, with this slower thoughts of mine,

i will surely be hanged today.

bye world. back to work!

i lost my heart. to you. :(

2010-10-12T15:16:00.002+08:00

for these 3 strong years.

i thought we could pull through everything together.

until...

you said,

"i am bored of you."

ouch.

for these 3 memorable years,

i thought what we shared together could make us closer.

until...

you said,

"i am bored of you."

ouch.

for these 3 years of happiness,

i thought we could fill up each other,

until...

you said,

"i am bored of you."

ouch.

it was hurtful, just now, when you accidentally told me that on the phone.

i couldnt bear anything. i just have to cry, alone, at my desk, knowing that i still have a lot of work to do.

with this feelings.

how could you say that to me?

"i am bored of you."

all i could say was, "thank you..."

LAPAR YANG TERAMAT.

2010-10-11T14:50:00.002+08:00

SERONOK NYE. SAYE LAPAR.

STRONGMAN KALAU ADE KAN BAGOS. BOLE PESAN. SAAAAP. DIE SAMPAI. DGN BURGER.

SIANG NAH LAH AWAK BALEK JB. PART2 SAYE LAPAR MCM NI, AWAK TAKDE.. :'(

OK DAH BYE. NAK TGK MAKANAN LAIN KAT GOOGLE.

weekdays and weekends.

2010-10-08T16:13:00.002+08:00

it's 4.15pm.

i cant wait for the clock to strike at 5pm.

till Monday, i am so not going to think about work.

and i beg weekends to stay longer.. i dont mind at all being tired. i just want weekends.

i need to get a life man! now i know the disadvantages of working office hours.

weekdays. i cant even go to gym on weekdays. i wont go on weekends, because certainly, we will have other programs like wedding ceremony, engagement ceremony, gathering, so on and so forth.

and i seriously need to go back to gym. or play sports like last time.

these fats,. they just dont want to go away,.

pfft!

and have i said that i miss SEC5IMAN2006?

missing you people now. please, miss me too ok.

i'll arrange gathering for u ppl ok..

we'll go kite-flying, then go eat at newton food court? how? heh.

then of course, camwhoring! lol.

woah so random.

ok bye.

mutant

2010-10-08T15:51:00.002+08:00

you may begin hurting me now.

i am immuned.

thanks to u.

nestum

2010-10-08T15:44:00.000+08:00

best eh. jgn jeles.

foods~ u make my life crazier

2010-10-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

if only i can have this now.

cereal prawn~~~

asing bagi ku

2010-10-06T17:02:00.003+08:00

Sumpah saye tak faham perangai awak hari ni.

selame 3 tahun saye kenal awak, saye tk pernah jumpe awak yg mcm ni.

2010-10-06T14:33:00.000+08:00

salah saye ke awak yg tak angkat talipon?

salah saye ke?

cakap lain, buat lain.

2010-10-06T11:19:00.001+08:00

entah kenape.

manusie ni. slalu ckp lain buat nye lain.

disuruh tak buat, yg dicegah slalu pulak tu diamalkannye.

dan bile saye terpikir balek, eh, saye pon buat gitu jgk.

MANUSIA.

*ape lah sgt sejam tu. nk banding dgn hari2 awak boleh hanta dan amek saye dari keje.

salah ke org nk jumpe kwn skejap time lunch? slalu nye bile kwn saye tk dtg, awak pon tk dtg. bile kwn dah on the way, awak pon on the way. dengki betol awak kn dgn kawan2 saye?

sigh.

a classic

2010-10-05T10:13:00.002+08:00

Spin

Di Selubung Rindu

Sejenak aku merenung kisah silam

Bila aku menanggung apa ada di dalam

Berakhir sudah epilog cinta kita

Permata hati membawa diri

Berat sungguh bagi diriku

Mana arah dan mana tuju

Segala gala tak menentu

Diselubung rindu

Walau pahit kutelan sahaja

Namun di dalam merasainya

Apa dibuat sepatah kena

Pastinya kecewa

( korus )

Aku terus melangkah pergi

Bertemankan sekeping hati

Dipenuhi ranjau berduri

Sakit pedihnya tak terperi

Di satu sudut ku terdampar

Gelora sudah ku sedar

Semua kerana peristiwa itu

( ulang dari korus )

Termanggungku di perantauan

Tersesat ku di persimpangan

Yang nyata kita berjauhan

Buat selama lamanya

Putus kasih putus segala

Sering kali kau ungkapkan

Kuturuti apa yang engkau hajati

Biar aku menanggungnya... sendiri...

random much

2010-10-01T14:20:00.000+08:00

its amazing how simple commenting can make people close together.

that was how fb did to me and my fellow friends just now. :)

random much, but its important.

to me.

fb is loved.

sebaik2 wanita.

2010-09-30T17:35:00.002+08:00

ya Allah...

tenangkanlah fikiran ku..

lapangkanlah dada ku....

sematkanlah di dalam jiwaku namaMu....

saye tak tahu kenape lately saye kuat marah, mengamok tak tentu pasal.

tapi itu tak bermakne awak boleh ungkit sume kesilapan saye..

tak bermakne awak boleh lupe janji2 awak pade saye...

saye tak tau kenape lately hati saye asyik gelisah aje...

asyik nak marah aje.... asyik nk tengking2 aje.....

mungkin saye dah terbiase dgn awak bertolak ansur dgn saye..

dah get used to ur endurance towards my behaviour...

sampai saye tak sedar, awak lelaki, saye perempuan.

saye perempuan... wanita..

wanita..

seharusnye berbudi-bahase, lemah-lembut....

tapi..... tak bermakne awak berhak lupe janji2 awak pade saye...

janji2 awak pade TUHAN....

wallahu a'lam.

2010-09-24T10:50:00.002+08:00

saye rindu awak.

saye rindu awak. rinduuu sgt2. nk bergurau sende. nk happy2. nk sedih2. TOGETHER.

BILE NAK JUMPE NIE?

yg memisahkan, hanye lah causeway aje.

naseb ade causeway. kalau tak kene naik flight.

ok i miss u terribly. ur presence. ur smile. just the way u are.

i am all alone

2010-09-23T10:41:00.001+08:00

Hmm.

There is no mistake.

I did not do wrong.

Ive been hurt.

It was painful. I hate being left out like that.

Yes, we were never close. But I was from there too.

I have always felt different while being in there. It was… not my bunch of people?

It was… not welcoming either.

Especially where there was a part I was truly miserable in my life.

Do you people even know when it was?

I am, being egoistic. But I just cant see the reason why I need to apologise.

Why? And why me?

2010-09-22T10:35:00.000+08:00

If you are not happy with your work and pay please don’t make others feel that way too.
If you don’t feel like doing your work properly please leave. Because they are others who can do better than you. There are others who can try their best to give good results.
Atleast you are done even before lunctime sometimes, and I am stuck here clearing your back side for you. Mind you, patience has its limits too. Don’t go too far.
And you know there is a saying, what goes around comes around?
You will know the pain too.
Menyampah betol dgn org2 yg makan gaji bute ni. Korg nk mkn gaji bute pon, atleast keje yg diberi tu buat lah betol2. atleast tak perasan sgt. Aku dah penat2 print plant map cantik2 utk kau g survey, kau kasi aku balek blank? Buat ape aku print out mcm tu? Buat buang mase aku??
Ni bende sume dtg balek kat kau ape. Kalau kau tak survey betol2, kau yg kene g survey balek. Bukan aku. Kan menyusahkan diri sendiri?
Kau dpt ape buat mcm ni? Dpt sakitkan hati aku? Dpt buat aku bad mood the whole day?
Thanks ah. Sbb pagi2 mcm ni dah buat org hilang mood. Its bad to spoil someone’s day in the morning. It will stretch till the end of the day, don’t you know that????
Whatever it is, I am glad you have to come back and clean you back side yourself, and I don’t care what you think of me now. Loser? Me? No, you are.
Wahhhhh.
Terrible morning.
And to make it worst,
Mr strongman spoil my day even more.
Jialat.
Today please end soon?

2010-09-07T09:23:00.001+08:00

being skinny doesnt give you the right to condemn people like that.

you should have think before you say it out loud.

Thanks,

For SPOILING MY DAY TODAY.

2010-09-02T10:01:00.001+08:00

i cannot stop thinking about you.

mentel. hehe.

2010-08-30T16:53:00.000+08:00

INDAH NYE HIDUP SAYE!

2010-08-11T16:45:00.000+08:00

Salam Ramadhan.

Subhanallah.

Ramadhan is here. I am sure this Ramadhan is a lot better than before.

I feel better. Spiritually & mentally, if not physically.

Beautiful Ramadhan.

There is one point, one moment today that I will remember for all my life.

That when I think about it, I will smile, and say to myself,

"that is why I need to hold on, believe in fate."

I promise to myself, that I will fully make use of this month.

I promise, that I will make this year better than previous one.

And I promise too, that I will make sure that I keep my promise.

*How can I forget to take my holy qur'an to work today?

to all,

RAMADHAN KAREEM.

beautiful liar

2010-08-04T09:32:00.003+08:00

i thought after those incidents....

you would....

argh forget about it zuliana! dont be too hopeful.

havent i learnt my lessons enough? for hoping too much?

for wanting so much of a person?

i dont know what i did wrong. i know it was a simple but forgivable argument.

but u make it this big.

its okay, i wont go further. i wont beg u.

u will come to me if u need me. i am sure u will.

and that is not hope. that is certain.

thanks for hurting me again and again.

thanks for after you treated me like a princess, you treat me like a waste.

i know we are not over. but i just simply cant take the torture anymore.

you torture me a lot.

and i remember enough,

the day u said...

'i wont hurt u anymore..'

what a liar.

allahumma inni so'im.

2010-07-27T16:45:00.002+08:00

you know.

you should have not do that.

knowing that we are not going to see each other for a long time.

you should have not..........

now my heart ache like crazy.

2010-07-26T10:26:00.000+08:00

i will cherish it.

i will live by that.

those two days,

together.

till we meet again,

take care dear loveboy.

i love the weekends.

i will remember every bit of it.

as i wait for you.

as we wait together for the day we will be together.

thank you,

for treating me like a princess,

like you always do.

with love, your beauty queen.

2010-07-23T15:22:00.002+08:00

saye tk sabar. :)

2010-07-21T17:23:00.003+08:00

astaghfirullah.....

rumah saye disambar petir....

ya Allah, terime kasih sebab kite semue tk ade di rumah.

ade hikmah mama suruh ayah keluar smlm.

i dont know how. but i think its one of the warnings also.

my house never ever became the victim for lightings.

God.....

i dont know whats the meaning of all this.

why?

ya Allah.. lindungilah mereka2 yg aku sygi ya Allah....

Engkau jauhkanlah mereka2 dari malapetaka ya Allah.....

Engkau berilah perlindunganMu setiap masa ya Allah.....

Engkau berkati lah hidup kami sekeluarga ya Allah...

tak lupe juge untuk semue umat Islam ya Allah....

jauhkanlah kami dari malapetaka ya Allah.....

berkatilah hidup kami di duniaMu ini ya Allah...........

Ameen.

2010-07-20T11:50:00.003+08:00

i hate it when everyone's doing their own job properly and somebody actually is not.

snake! no. u r worse than snake.

worse.

that was why i have to avoid working with people like u.

i am not racist.

but i just avoid it.

every workplace.

you people just give me trouble or irritate me.

the irony is,

i have, those blood too.

my ancestors, were, from your blood.

-_-

i tried not to be prejudice.

but everytime i try,

i failed.

i tried not to judge u.

but everytime i try,

i failed.

i can see its not about race issue.

coz i see a lot of your race, too, do their own work with respect, with pride.

but how come those who work with me, which is your race,

do like what u do?

is it me? i dont clique with u ppl well?

how unfair. am i being the unfair one?

how hard i try to be positive about u,

i will fail.

ok?

how hard i try for my morning to be a nice, warming one.

i will fail, in the end.

argggghhhhhh.

help me!!!!!!

:)

2010-07-19T15:21:00.004+08:00

hello everyone.

what a week it had been last week.

sadness, happiness, double happiness.

though, i really wish it stays this way. sweet. :)

last week had a great night with oldtime friends. for oldtime sake. they are simply awesome. as loud as last time. as close as before. childhood friends are the best. you dont really meet them everyday, every yr. but they still know you and still accept you. for who u are. or who you were. anytime.

then my strongman was back. though i know he will go again, i really had a good time with him onn saturday! he came down to my little house in jb and we spent quality time together. my dad was at home too. it was great. he brought his niece. i miss her man! little kid!

i miss strongman more than ever. he always makes me happy, makes me smile. makes me cry. then makes me smile again. i like it that way. i really do.

as long as he is by my side, it really doesnt matter what we do.

he said " terime kaseh. sbb sentiase ade."

i said, " kn saye dah janji? "

and i can see he's hiding his tears. while that, i cried. hehe.

hunneyh, i love you. i love my parents. and i love my one n only sibling.

thank You Allah. for this. it is more than enough to make me smile whole day.

2010-07-19T15:21:00.001+08:00

kenape ngn blogger ni?

2010-07-14T13:34:00.001+08:00

“Hari sabtu depan. Tunggu abg kt sini. (woodlands mrt)”

“tknk uh”

“kenape?”

“sbb awak jahat”

The thought of it really make me cry. Cry hard. I shouldn’t have said that. I should have say, “ok. Jumpe nanti.”

Pedih nye.. dugaan nie betol2 memenatkn saye k. saye penat. Saye penat sgt2. boleh give up tk?

Ni tk mcm dugaan amek perikse. Tk mcm dugaan berpuase. Tk mcm dugaan tgh jln2 nmpk baju lawa tapi tkde duit. Ni dugaan betol2 mematahkn semangat saye. Zahir batin.

Saye tk pernah sepenat ni. Tk pernah.

Kalian doakn saye semoga kuat ehk. Doakn strongman saye jgk ehk. Sbb ape yg saye lalui, die tgh lalui yg same cume lebih terok. Emosi die mesti tgh tk stabil kn? Dah lah zahir tk stabil.

Awak… saye tahu awak tersekse. Saye tahu awak merane. Kite pegang janji kite same2 ye? Kite jgn lepaskan kata2 kite bersame ye?

Saye janji susah senang saye akan bersame.

2010-07-13T15:17:00.001+08:00

ONE BIG POINT: EITHER U U-TURN. OR GO STRAIGHT.

My heart is now like broken glass.

It was fragile enough, why does it have to end this way?

Dreams forever become dreams.

While those nightmares become reality.

I have had hurt many times. But this is one big deep wound.

I am not the only victim. As much hurt I am dealing, it is that much you are having too.

Why is it that people can’t see everyone happy?

Why is it that even your own blood can become your enemy?

We were not careful. We let enemies bypass us while we thought everything going smoothly.

But…. How to expect he was an enemy, when all these while he’s being that kind?

That is why there is a saying, ‘life is unpredictable’.

This is what they are referring to. This is why we have to be careful all the time.

I miss you, really. But what can I do besides crying and hoping?

I am useless… as useless as the situation is.

Every time I think about it, I cry like a baby. I am even worse, because atleast mothers will tend to their child. While I am all alone, dealing with this situation.

And he’s alone, dealing with the same.

This is the greatest test. This is the point of why are we fighting.

And I will hold on. As tightly as I can. For this to work out.

Dear Allah,

Please help my love ones ya Allah.

Please help us both.

Make him stronger, Oh Allah.

Make myself stronger as he is…

2010-07-12T16:44:00.003+08:00

this is the greatest test in my whole life. i have never been tested this way.

the love of my life, or atleast, the person my heart is with now, is tested more further. and that hurts me. it hurts to see his tears. its hard to see he's in pain. its even harder when i cant even see him at all. all my life, i have not taste this bitter side of life. or at least, this type of bitterness.

it is not a 3rd party who triggers our relationship, nor it is our parents who wont bless us.

it is a stronger force. which over and over again, put ourselves in pain, in trial.

it is faith. though, i still think that you are worth to fight for, and will never raise the flag, yet.

i still think we are still compatible, despite many signs which make us thrown out of each others' life.

until it is clear enough, i will still fight for the love. because, i love you.

and i know, your feelings the same too.

how hard i think or imagine the situation you are in, the harder it is for you who faces it right there.

honey, i am weak. i cried everytime i think of your situation. i swear, i cried.

but...

love, please be strong. i know you are. remember? you are my strongman, right?

ya Allah, lindungilah mereka2 yg dekat di hati ku ya Tuhan.

Kau berikanlah ketenangan pada mereka ya Allah.

Kau tunjukkanlah petunjuk Mu ya Allah. semoga mereka redha dengan kehendakMu,

dan semoga mereka tuju ke jalanMu, ya Allah.

Ameen.

2010-07-02T10:24:00.006+08:00

i find it funny.

i used to be a regular blogger. i used to let everything out in this space.

and i used to be quite fast typing my heart and mind out.

but not now....

i stare at the monitor for 10 mins to think about what i need to type..

or what i want to.

getting matured? or getting bored of this stuff?

i'm sorry blogger,.. i dont seem to have any idea what to fill u up.

false dreams.

2010-06-21T17:37:00.003+08:00

life is tough.

sometimes you dont realise which way you are going. until you finally fell.

sometimes there must be some things that will happen to you before you need to realise everything.

but.. will it be too late to realise?

i've had so many already. but why didnt i realise. why didnt i just give up now?

why i am still holding on? even though i know this wont work out. or at least, wont work out the way i dream of, the way every other girl wants. why?

am i just being plain dumb? or am i that ignorant of the things happening?

am i just trying to defend myself? or rather, trying to defend what i initiated?

or.. am i just blindly in love with someone so obvious is not into me...?

it is so obvious. so crystal clear. why didnt i let it go? why am i still holding on?...

cheated by all the sweet talks? by all the promises which are never been kept?

why must i keep holding on? to make myself suffer more in the future?

to make myself really fall and can never stand on my own feet?

it is not something i dont know. yet i never stop it and still holding it firmly.

can someone just knock some sense into me? i bet i wouldnt mind in the future if you even knock me by a car. or a lorry. just wake me up from my worst beautiful dreams ever. please?

true enough, life is unpredictable.

2010-05-30T23:03:00.002+08:00

true enough, life is unpredictable.
i thought it will go with the flow. i didnt see it coming.
i didnt see those things test our relationship.
to be honest, i really want to give up.
i really want to end everything. easy. get it over and done with..
but...... i cant... and isnt it not supposed to be like that? what?
everytime problem like this come and i have to end it? No.......
and....
what choice do i have?
i've been pampering myself too much. i've been givingin to myself too much too.
how am i supposed to cope with this?
i really cant do it. i dont have the strength. strength.
i am too low, too down. i can fall anytime, i can even faint.
why is this happening? i thought.. it was going to be smooth all these while?....

relationship is just too much for me now. it is really testing me now. to my maximum level.
but i believe He will help. i believe. i have faith in You, Oh God. Please help me.

Ya Allah, aku redha dgn kehendakMu. tapi aku mohon..
bantulah aku.. aku lemah ya Allah... aku perlu petunjukMu...

finally!

2010-05-27T15:55:00.002+08:00

salams to everyone. (erm. nver mind)

i had posted in the previous entry that i have not get any job yet. which is a BIG difference for now.

i am now a Computer Operator cum Administrative Assistant at Singtel Katong Exchange.
its a temp job, though, but with this i hope i can 'beautify' my resume and adds my working experience to be eligible for SIM part-time Uni insyaAllah.
since 10thMay2010, i am officially employed and the feeling is so wonderful, u know!
haha.
what else?
the workload is nothing compared to...... erm well i wont type it here la hor.
the colleagues are... well, i have not been mixing around, either.
but the people i work with everyday are all MALE. which makes me feel uneasy at first. but now, i feel that they are like my brothers.
great. 7 guys. and a lady. ergh.
and that also adds to my problem. of course, SM kept worrying about me here, though honestly speaking they are not my type at all & like 30+yr old already k.

oh yes, i am applying for Mandarin lessons at Spring College International via recommendation from one of my friends. guess how much is the course fees excluding material fees?
$1600.
yes.
OMG. pockets will keep burning every month k.

currently SM is not in Singapore and will not be here so soon. He is taking his 'recognised' motorbike license. finally you are taking it. ergh. been pestering him to do so coz well, he rides before without a license, mind you.
and he's not working here anymore because there is a slight problem which concerns all Sarawak Nationals. they are not allowed to do their work permit until one case is settled. i dont know what case is that but it doesnt concern SM. some fighting whatever between the Sarawak guys.

'kerane Nile setitik, rosak susu sebelange'

sigh. days without him are so life-less. imagine months without him? omg.

OK LA. before people start noticing that i am using the internet during working time, i'll be dead for sure.

gd day everyone!

nk masok 3 minggu jual anggur

2010-05-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

salam sume.

for your information, i have been 'seling grapes' for nearly 3 weeks.
haha.
selling grapes=jual anggur.
ok bedekkkk.
menganggur k. menganggur.
diam. jangan ketawe. 3 minggu je.. lek uh...

BANYAK LAH AKU NYE RILEK! DOK KT RUMAH DAH MCM PUAN BESAR K.

__________________________________________________________

di atas merupekan rintihan hati semate2. biase la. org stress ni mcm org giler... saye penat dah cari keje. keje yg tk cari2 saye.
mcm mane nie? risau saye.
bile saye ckp gitu kt bpk saye, nk tau die kate ape?

"yah. adik cari keje ni... penat seh.. keje yg tknk cari adik.. mcm mane nie..?"
"dik... tk g report police?"
"huh? buat ape?"
"jgn2 die hilang tk... tk dtg2 kat kau..."
"ape yg hilang ni yah?"
"keje."

k. mule2 garuk kepale. sumpah tk faham. skali lame2. tgk muke ayah senyum ketawe2, dah tau. bpk saye ni kalau merepek, nombor satu! tk klaka k ayah! bluek!

____________________________________________________

jo pule kate saye malas. byk lah aku nye mls.

dah ah. bye. tk tau ape lagik nk ckp.

get a life!

2010-04-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

you know. when someone from your past comes back there is only one reaction to it.
FURIOUS.
you never stop trying, do you?
please, like most people said, 'kumbang bukan seekor, bunge bukan sekuntum'
right?

i love my sweetheart right now and i wont have the guts to make him feel sad or angry.
he means so much to me. and DAD already knows about our relationship and i want to marry him so u better get out of our way k? THANK YOU.

___________________________________________________

my dearest is now at jb and i am at my jb house but i feel like we are very far from each other. coz i cant even msg him to call me. and he cant even call me. urgh! syg faster go spore so that i can call you.
he is visiting his friend in a hospital. got into a fight and now got hurt. i dont know how badly his friend got hurt. see guys? fighting is NOT good at all. even though u win, u will stil got hurt. please. avoid it just like u avoid drugs.
hah.

___________________________________________________

and now i wont sleep until he calls me.

jo, i love u so much.
that wont change.

migrane

2010-04-24T21:14:00.002+08:00

i am waiting for YOU to call me NOW. like NOW because i really need YOU right now. i am so DOWN and i want to talk to YOU.

calm me down. God. Oh Allah. please.

better

2010-04-24T09:55:00.001+08:00

BETTER

I AM MADDDD

2010-04-24T09:30:00.002+08:00

this blog is so dead.

ok, for the timw being, i need to tell EVERYONE that this skin is JUST temporary one. how LONG the temporary period, that depends on my willingness to blog and if i have 5 hours to spare the madness of blogger.

and no, I DONT ONLY LOVE MYSELF. AND! i dont like zac efron. it was the blogskin's owner. and i dun have a puppy.

AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING OF ALL, DONT RELY ON ME!

no offence to the person who did this skin. i am mad at myself for forgetting how to edit everything.

yes. i am definitely dumb. or is it short term memory?

grr.

after so long..

2010-03-04T13:27:00.002+08:00

hello ppl!

kesian aku tgk blog aku ni. tkde org nk bace... haha. biar aku je lah yg bace!

today is my off day and now am waiting for strongman to finish work. we r heading off to somewhere. (I DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS GOING TO TAKE ME COZ HE TOLD ME IT WAS A SURPRISE)

so now i cant wait but the thing is he finish work at 6.30pm n i hate to look at the time now. 5 more hrs till meeting beloved and to know where are we heading to. but i can bet we will either go to dhoby ghaut(ps) or raffles place(by the river there). soooo long nvr go both places which we usually hang out at old times.

well. my working life is great but i dont really think i'm going to stay at PENGUIN forever. its a gd place, with gd ppl around. and we enjoy working so much. i dont know why but i feel like they are my family right now. gd ppl indeed!
but the thing is, i cant get enough of the pay. just think if one day my parents want to retire, what do i have to give them?

anyways, life with love is getting tougher by days. he is soooo committed to work that he dont have any time for me. so i forced him to take off on the 28th so that he wont have any excuse to be by my side on my special day. but he still need to come to work until 9.30am on that day. ergh.

"tkpela yang. tdo dulu la pagi2. nnt abg amek kt dover k."

above all, i love him forever k! heh. so mushy.

mama has been pestering me to be honest with ayah. i am so damn coward! how to tell sia?

i know after telling ayah i will feel more comfortable to go out with him or to talk to him on the phone or watever but that is if ayah allows our relationship. if he did not....?

i cant think of any other possibilities but i hope ayah will give us his blessings coz i want to be with him and only him. he changed so much for me. whats past is past and i will nvr think of his past before me. honestly, he had changed. more than i could ever think of.

ok i really cant wait till this evening.

well. thats it for now,

till next time.

adioz bloggie.

random

2010-01-18T21:52:00.003+08:00

i guess its better that nobody reads my blog anymore. well if there is, i dun even care. lol.

i cant sleep even though i know i need to work morning shift tomorrow. and i am so looking forward to work nowadays coz i can see my strongman every moment. it takes only a head-turn or sometimes a little step to seeing him. why? coz he works at my mum's workplace which is just right infront of my workplace! oh i so love it!

chatted with bf aida last 2 days and we talked some bff talk. and she told me she never expected that i will last this long with strongman. i never expected it too coz everytime we fought, we always threaten each other to just end everything but we hold on.
while i was trying to sleep just now, i realise how important he is now to me, just as important as my parents are to me. that important.
he can be the source of happiness to me in my every day life n i feel so secure whenever i am with him and that is good.
what i fear now is that our love wont last long till our last breath and i am beginning to feel that way. he was so mad everytime i say i am scared if he ever betrays me or changed his feelings towards me. well that is just what i feel.
strongman has been so nice to me but i am always so bad to make him do this and that and scold him whenever i feel like scolding. i am sooo bad!
well, i know he wont be reading this and i will tell him personally that i love him more and more day by day and thats the truth and if u r hurt whenever i say bad things to u, i swear i dun mean it. stay by me forever, k?
love u till the end.

_____________________________________

i was browsing facebook when i accidentally saw somebody already got fb account! i close the window i was browsing and suddenly the comp hanged! what a bad luck aft seeing u!
but later i got this weird feeling and temptation to sms u n i did! wth! i feel like chopping my fingers now n i regretted smsing u coz it will only add pain to the wound that is already healed.
syarifullah, i just hate this feeling of reminiscing the past. please! go away from my mind coz that is what i want!

_____________________________________

strongman dear, dont worry. i love u n that wont change.

nite everyone!

i need ur time. just a little of it. please?

2010-01-02T22:42:00.002+08:00

how i wish time could move slower,
so i can spend more,
with you.
how i wish time never even move,
so i can be with the one,
and only you.
i need your time,
even if it is only an hour, or even a minute.
coz right now, i dont even have a second.
baby, i need your time,
just like last time,
just like the old time.
ur day is entirely mine.
i dont even have the time,
to tell you what had happened, is happening, and will happen.
so right now,
i beg you.
I NEED YOUR TIME BADLY!

ok really. i need his time. i feel so lonely. so miserable. can i get u fired for one day, then ask them to employ u back the next day?
i noe. one word.
C-R-A-Z-Y.

BYE AHHHH

things wont get any better....

2009-12-31T17:34:00.002+08:00

but at least it wont get any worse either.

___________________________________________________________

i hope whatever had happened will be forever in the past and wont bug me again. now, with new year coming, i hope to have new life, new future. even though truth from the past hurts me so much all my life. it also brings maturity and sense of belonging.

well. i am at home now, thinking of what this year had brought me, aside from all the hardships. i thank God for all the miracles and nikmah He has given me and my family. i guess we wont stop asking for more? but never appreciate the things that He had given us. human being. never stop asking. so greedy huh.

anyways, will be at home to clean up the house. as my granny will be sleeping over tomorrow night. hello nek! welcome to my house! lol.

okla. i am so random. that means i have nothing to blog about.
hah.
ok bye for now.

goodbye 2009. ahlan wa sahlan 2010.

2009-12-30T12:59:00.002+08:00

salam.

i dont think if there is anyone who will drop by my blog so i'll make it the most informal post of the year.

2009 has been really down for me. lots of bad memories as well as lessons to be learnt.
i wont want 2009 to repeat in any of my future years ahead. so all the more i should be facing towards the future. i am looking forward and wont turn my back on 2009. a wasted yr of my life.
but, i realised i've grown mentally. insyaAllah, there will be no repetition of what were happening this yr. and this yr, i had made a pact to myself. i wont want to leave my parents in any condition they are in or i am in. in any state, in any ways. not that i am intending to leave them or run away or what, but the pact that i've made to myself is beyond words. i'll make sure i am the one who will take care of them especially their old days, and NOT anyone else. let this blog and the readers be the witness/es.

i am so looking forward to 2010 and see what it brings for me. till then, i am not going to say out aloud of my expectations. hello 2010!

till then,
i'm off.

CUSTOMER SERVICE OFFICER

2009-11-10T13:40:00.002+08:00

salam to all.

as stated, i am now a customer service officer at a ferry company. no biggie, yes. but i am enjoying work. really great place, great people. the first i encounter great environment after i graduated from irsyad.

but still, i miss irsyad life,. really. chatted with my teacher just now. telling him how badly i missed irsyad, how greatly i appreciate the staffs there, the environment... the moments.

with working life, for this yr, i've learnt a lot. it was my choice to start working and pause from studying. dont ask me why. just thought that there's more things awaits me outside there. all the experience and rubbish. hah. i love learning from experience more. it matures me more.

working there has been tough and stressful, coz customer is ALWAYS right even though logically, they are wrong. so we had to mantain good relationship with like almost everyone.
the best part is, i thought, the people are all great. but ade jgk yg musuh dlm selimut. step bebual language yg aku tk phm. oh fyi, i am taking chinese class next month. hah,.
but the people are generally fun. helpful. very much. and the manager is soooo humble. to think he can sit with me at a coffeeshop! hah.

well. i am getting ready for work. i am so dead if i'm late. musuh dlm selimut hari ni keje!!!

bye people.

*missing MADRASAH AL-IRSYAD every now and then.

world war

2009-11-02T16:37:00.002+08:00

the war has begun.

i hate you,

but i love you more.

shut up. dont bug me for now.

double happiness!

2009-10-28T16:58:00.003+08:00

hello people!!!!
salam to all!!

today, i went to harbourfront early in the morning for an interview and i immediately got a job with $6perhour rate. part-timer and soon i am going to work full-time meaning got cpf!!! wahhh.

work was fun as usual. first day of work is usually like that one. and now sieow alrdy coz i speak so like chinese ley.
colleagues were all fun and hilarious and i think i am going to be fatter in the future coz i sit all the way and eat and talk and laugh. haaahaaa.

anyways, was on training for 4 hours and done with it so tomorrow must report to work at 7am. cool. now i cant have my long beauty sleep which already makes me not beautiful enough and thanks to it now everyone says i am pregnant and asked seriously about it. shuddup can? coz my tummy looks so round like pregnant women! yah. i cant deny that!! really. do sit up 100 times before sleep huh?

anyways, after work, asked my mum to tag along to look out for new lappy and i said "ok tgk je. tk beli,...."
then......after much discussion, mummy decided to buy me new one!!!!!!!!!!! how cool is that??????????????????
but i have to pay her $300 every month inclusive of her monthly allowance....
COOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL.

toshiba brand and its 15inch and cost 899bucks which is half-price than my previous compaq notebook which had died long ago.
and it is BIG i swear.
happiness. double happiness.

i swear i love 28th day of the month damn much!
my bday is 28thmarch,
his bday is 28th august,
and.........
happy 1 yr 9month anniversary to my love!

2009-10-14T13:59:00.003+08:00

2008 MITSUBISHI LANCER EVOLUTION X

COACH. KIRA. $898.

COACH. NEW OP ART CHAINLINK MAGGIE. $298.

lupekan saje niat aku dulu ah ehk. buat mase ni, duit nk byr bpk alek jer. nmpk itu kerete image paling atas???

hah. because of my carelessness i hit the bus this morning and the lancer EX is now in the workshop. guess repair cost nye? more than the total of the 2 handbags!

grr. i hate myself.

2 days

2009-10-07T12:32:00.001+08:00

2 days without hanging out with you makes me more miserable than ever!
i cant wait for friday to come!!

the more

2009-10-02T10:16:00.004+08:00

i am not sure what is happening and what is going to happen.
but i am pretty sure of the feelings right now.
i cant understand why while i was being rough, irritating and always furious,
it is this time you stick and stand by me at the moment.
i always end up making you feel sick and bored of me,
but you stayed, and shocked me.
truly changed, because i know, if that is 1 yr ago,
you would have gone somewhere and leave me.
how terrible i am to make you feel hurt always,
and surprisingly, you are still standing right beside me.
and i still keep repeating it,
still making you feel hurt and insulted.
what a silly girl.

i love you and the more i am with you, the more i do love you.
thanks for being there almost all the time.
i greatly appreciate it.
and even though you wont be reading this,
i will still read this for you,
i will still tell you the message.

heh. honestly,
i love you.

----------------------

siblings rivalry over btw.
i love my family too.
muakcs to all.

not a good day

2009-09-30T13:32:00.003+08:00

i had a bad start today.

the worst happens. didnt manage to get out of the house. bad flu and fever. SM is angry and totally furious. i hate it when i am sleepy. really do.
org tu dah sampai MRT ok?
dear, i am sorry. i cant even walk straight. my eyes are all swollen.

bad start + bad afternoon = bad ending

korg faham? tk eh? tkpe. aku pening ah facing computer screen for long. i type this for freaking 30mins. percaye?

yg penting, the day started badly, i was given hope to do something but someone didnt TRUST me to do it. i was hoping then i can do it right but not given the chance at all. shut up u LOSER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

today please end right now. tomorrow!!! can you please hurry up and dont take your own sweet time walking to me???

MAD.

siblings rivalry

2009-09-30T07:53:00.002+08:00

the WAR has just begun.

i hate not being trusted to do certain things.

fine.

dont ask me any favours in the future.

oh sm..

2009-09-29T12:45:00.002+08:00

i wish everyday could be like yesterday.
except the family part.
yesterday was spent with StrongMan and i swear it was one of our bestest days. hah.
met him at Harbourfront early in the morning, and off we go to Sentosa. sat in front of the windy sea and ate our breakfast.
there were a few european who were smiling at us. funny or what? we had nasi briyani, ayam masak merah, mutton curry, prawn sambal and big bottle of ice lemon tea. all from the leftovers from my open house. hehe.
spent few hours there and off back to vivo to shop till we drop. as usual, visited best denki to check out latest gadgets and then ate long-time fav BK. of course both of us had mushroom swiss double upsized and 6 pc chicken tenders and as usual, i didnt finished my burger and as usual he finished it with pleasure. hah. then i was still craving for the hersheys sundae pie and he bought it and then send me to SengKang for my tuition session with the lil kid.
i just love yesterday till i bug him to make time for me again and meet early in the morning again and spend our time together just like yesterday again.

my nails are now nicer. thanks to SM. he polished it! believe it or not!

yg penting, i love you more than you love me! haha. bluek!

k dah. slmt ari raye! adioz!

tk mengharap

2009-09-05T16:25:00.000+08:00

salamz.

Thank you, for everything.. :)
Thanks, for the princess treatment,
for the patience,
for the beautiful words,
for the hard effort from you,
while i was a bitc*!

and thanks,
for the BK treat! hersheys sundae pie is loved!!!!
mushroom swiss double!!! woo. k diam.

dah tu jer.

oh tk. yesterday was great, as the time spent was with the darlings.
as always, i can be myself when i am with them. whatever outfit i am wearing, whether my face looks very oily or not, whether i smell honey or not, i will always be happy while spending time with them.
of course, gossips, stories, laughter and happiness surrounds us during our iftar yesterday.
Thanks Syaz for the plan. :)

well. i am not looking forward to raya. can time pause here, while i am still happy and contented?
please, these moments, dont u go away...

happy fasting to all, and to some yg tgh off-day. heh.

frustration out of love

2009-08-25T09:39:00.002+08:00

,,,

i cant sleep last night.
i kept thinking, whaaaat am i doing now.
i know i have not been myself since i dont know when.
but all started when i got to know you..

i was a determined person then,
-well, atleast i thought i was.-
i knew what i am going to do and whats for my future and so.
but after you came, i messed up my life little by little.
i destroy my own life, my own future.
all because of you.
Love. how can it be this cruel?
was that LOVE anyway?

Men.
had enough of them.
when will i wake up and learn my lessons?
shut the door of my heart and just forget about them?

Men.
2 men.
gave me high flying hopes,
and they themselves crashed and bang-ed it all.

Men.
I hate you.

hello to myself!

2009-08-24T13:35:00.000+08:00

salam to anyone who reads my blog.
(i think there's none. i bet)

ok life has been quite miserable for me. some things meant to be that way and when the time comes for everyone to know the truth, i guess everyone will hate the truth, and me. lu pikirlah sendiri!
k mepek.
first and foremost, its not too late for me to say, ahlan ya Ramadhan!!! wow. so fast. dah another month of fasting. to every Muslim, selamat berpuase!!

the 1st day of ramadhan was great but i was weak too. heh. we had our iftar at, of course, my granny's house. of course, she cooked a lot and lotttt. had mutton balls shared with mum. then did our solat magrib as well as teraweh together, and of course, 2nd round of the delicious balls.
had a great time with cousins and aunties and uncles. reached home at 12.30 in the morning and zzzzzzz.

yesterday i helped out my mum, we made nasi lemak and its simply outstanding!!! dad was the only one out for work, while my mum, bro, and i at home. helping out doing the meals are so meaningful for me coz we dont usually do that. we rarely have time to make our own dishes. so only yesterday, we had nasi lemak, wif fried spicy chicken, fried fish, fried prawn and sambal prawn and sambal telor to go with it. simply nice. bro bought lychee for our desserts and well, bloated i was yesterday during our iftar. how i wish everyday could be just like that!

anyways, there are some leftovers so mama decided to keep it for sahur too. me n my favourite SAMBAL PRAWN! i was grinning at mama and she shook her head. wahaha. so we had nasi lemak again for sahur just now. weeeee. syok or whattt....

anyways, i dont know what we will be having for our iftar today, maybe mak ani's cooking. which i faved as usual. i like her ayam masak merah. oh my God. heaven lahhhhh seeeeiiiii.

ok shuddup. so much about food.
the main thing is i am still very much alive, and thanks to ayu's laptop, i can atleast tell u ppl i am not dead yet.

sekian lame..

2009-07-10T14:44:00.002+08:00

salamz to all..

buat pengetahuan semue, saye dah menganggur. jadi buat yg tkd member nk lepak ke nk jln ke nk movie marathon ke ajak la saye. tapi yg nk ber'jogging' tu, harap tk payah ajak la. saye ni.. ehm. allergic ah.

tapi.. saye ade berite menarik. hari tu, saye beri suggestion yg baik kt ayah kesayangan saye. selame ni hidup kt umah panas. yelah. dulu nk save the earth lah konon. tknk aircon bagai. sekarang merane. saye cadangkan lah gunekan hawa dingin. tup tup. ayah yg tercinte bwk ke sebuah kedai elektrik. wah. terkejot saye. tapi, syaratnye, saye kene kemas rumah saye yg dah mcm kapal layar terbalek tu. baru die pasangkn hawa dingin. tkpe. aircon nye pasal. punyelah perit nk kemas. tk tahu nk start kt mane. rumah kalau kecik tkpe. sigh.

jadi buat mase sekarang, saye jadi maid sementare. hehe. kebetulan pulak eh. mcm tahu2 je saye nk menganggur.

oh.. ade yg nk tahu kenape saye menganggur? tanye lah saye sendiri cerite sebenar. banyak yg saye pelajari. tk mungkin la saye sebarkan kt sini. kot kot kene saman nanti. dah la menganggur. ayah kesayangan ape lagi, "dik.... siap kan resume kau......" lol___

dan lagi satu. saye ucapkan takziah banyak2 ke atas keluarge umi zarah. pakcik saye, Allahyarham Muhd Irfatt yg lebih dikenali sebagai cik jamil, telah kembali ke rahmatullah minggu lalu. semoge rohnye dicucuri rahmat dah maghfirah Nya. Amin.. Alfatehah..

itu saje lah buat hari ni. esok luse tk tahulah kalau saye dpt update ke tk. maklum lah. maid part-time kn sibok.

dan AHAD NI dtg beramai-ramai ke CARNIVAL IRSYAD yg pertame di braddell rd.!!! saye tk sabar nk jumpe sec5iman2006 dan tk sabar nk jumpe guru2 yg tersayang!!!

sekian. saye akhiri dengan wabillahi taufiq wal hidayah , assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabaraktuh.

___ ?? ___

hari ayah edisi belated

2009-06-23T13:44:00.003+08:00

salamz..

last sunday. hari ayah. last sunday. hari paling penat. hah. menolong ayah mengemas beg nye.
k bedek. aku tidur. hek.
ayah saye maseh bercuti. saye cube call ibu saye dan ayah saye. tapi mereke tidak angkat. long-distance call perhaps? semoge ayah dan mama happy2 di sane k.

ayah saye garang. pantang dgr saye bergantung dkt talipon. walau sekali saye bergantung dgn teman saye. bestfriend. bukan boyfriend. katenye, "tkde faedah."
ayah saye kdg2 lawan saye. ade saje yg tk kene. bile die suke, saye tk suke. bile saye suke, die pulak yg tk suke. saye suke telor dada tkd bawang. die pulak suruh masakkan yg ade bawang. in the end, terpakse saye mkn yg ade bawang (tapi saye tepikan bawang2 semue.)
ayah saye pon boleh jadi kwn saye. die selalu nk yg terbaik utk saye. "dik. cepat2 siap kn resume kau. hantar kt ayah la. keje byk tu kt tmpt ayah." itu lah dialog ayah semenjak saye menganggur dulu. skrg tgh tk menganggur pon, die ckp mcm tu.
ayah saye penghibur hati saye. slalu buat klakar seram dpn saye. kdg2 nk blg je kt die yg lawak nye tk menjadi. tapi tk sampai hati.
ayah saye lah org yg paling tau bile saye lapar! ade satu pagi tu, sedang die drive nk hantar saye ke rumah dover, die tanye, "dik, nk breakfast?" saye pon terkejot sbb mmg saye tgh lapar. teros ayah masok drive-thru mcdonald dan beli breakfast meal utk sume. ade sekali tu. mlm2 bute. saye turun dari bilik saye (sbb bilik saye tingkat 2 ) dan complain kt ayah saye yang saye lapar, die masakkan maggi utk saye. siap 2 biji telor lagik!

secare konklusi nye, saye sgt syg ayah saye. rindu sbb dah 2 hari tk jumpe. rindu craps nye. rindu die. skrg saye tgh lapar. tkde org tanye saye dah mkn ke belum.

AYAH, you are the best tau. syg ayah. sbb ayah hero saye. michael schumacher saye. dulu saye slalu lmbt ke sekolah sbb causeway jam. ayah speeding mcm michael schumacher dan hantar saye kt sekolah. dari darjah 1. sampai preu 2.
ape lagi yg saye nk. he is near perfect already.

adik syg ayah. ayah balek cepat dari Hong Kong k. nk complain kt ayah. adik lapar. hehe.

tkkn terlmbt utk saye ucapkan.
SELAMAT HARI AYAH.

sbb hari2 mmg hari ayah. syg ayah. infinty syg. hah.

hong kong.

2009-06-19T15:01:00.002+08:00

"tunggu bapak kau kirim duit dari Hong Kong!"

ever heard of that phrase? hah. i grew up listening to that again and again. and now, father is really going to HongKong. hah.

mom and dad will be leaving us monday morning, at 6.40am, flying off to Hong Kong for 4 days and 3 nights. i am so happy. op, dont get me wrong, i am happy not because i am free from my parents, but am happy because they finally - FINALLY - are going overseas. thanks to ayah of course for working so hard. haha. k lah. tkd lah besar mane g Hong Kong. cume sekian lame tk merantau. and dad promise to go one whole family to somewhere else this december. yayness!!

so i'll be spending my nights at ayu's house. those 3 nights i'll be without my parents by my side......... rindu bole?? heh. mama punye tk sabar nk pegi. sanggup shopping for ayah baju Camel Active and also the three-quarter pants for him and also socks. she said, "nk g hongkong kn."
then mum said " ah, mama bwk beg tarik nanti...hehe.."
so much happiness. one thing for sure, mama, YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE CABLE CAR K. haha.
mama hates cable cars the most. she fears height. fear fear jgk, tapi die dah naik cable car kt genting, singapore flyer. and now at Hong Kong. jiayo mama!

okla. thats all for now. motive of this post is just to tell everyone i'll be very lonely next week. sm cant be by my side too. work and OT is all that he knows. nfreuigvniurgbifb

happy holidays to the students. and to me. hek.

so long

2009-06-11T16:21:00.002+08:00

hello people!!
wah so long since i last updated. and since then i think nobody wants to step into this blog ever. heh.
where have i been??
well, of course, work. i dont have a time to really sit infront of my lappy. and guess what? i cant on my lappy anymore. :(
so now using ayu's laptop.
how have i been?
work is really killing me. seriously. i am so glad PTC is over. (parents-teacher conference.)
it was fun. haah. the preparation was damn tiring. but the whole 2 days of PTC turned out very well. get to meet dearest beloved haqimi after so long. his parents are the best mannnn. well all parents are nice. nicer than i thought.. really.
ok that was done. oh yes! I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST. the 2nd try. with 4 points only. on my mum's birthday. 1st june. hee. must wait for her bday then i can pass laaa...
next.
sm and me have been like rocks and stones and mountains and volcanoes and world wars and such. adding to it, I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE. must cool down k..
erm.. i think thats about all. i need to sleep. finally! can sleep!! haa.

fromthebottomofmyheart

2009-05-22T20:41:00.003+08:00

salamz to all.

have you ever felt like you are so eager and happy,
that someone you love is by you side?
but at the same time scared,
of knowing he wont be there forever by your side?

dear, i know everyone will have their time.
but i cant bear to let you, you sight, your memories go.
what with our dreams? what with what we have been talking about?
so please, take care of yourself? i'll help wherever i can.
but its you. you have to take care of yourself.
because i am not 24hours with you.

oh my. i am so not ready. it is so too soon.
to me, it was just yesterday i got to know you.
it was just yesterday we were taking down each others's number.
no... please... no...
i... cant.. bear..
i.. love... you...

stay strong, dear! you have to stay strong.......
because.....
you are my only strongman....

2 days date.

2009-05-18T06:06:00.003+08:00

i started my weekends with a bad one, but ending up happily. heh.

first, saturday is really bad one for someone to come to work since many companies got their 5 days week work. but well, it was fine. as usual, did DP updates, marking and when i get enough of it, i stopped. fast forward.
after work, we decided to go to the new branch, by this June, meaning, we're going to say farewell to west coast. CCK here we come. heh. the place was awesome. classes are great. pantry are definitely bigger. we will have our music and movement room if director permits! yey yey. hehe. oh well.

soon after, i dashed off to city hall to meet beloved dearest bf. he was so mad. heh. he waited for 2 hours lah. sorry dear. and off we go to dhoby ghaut for lunch and movie. had the nasi lemak at asian cuisine. he got the voucher or something. and went to catch wolverine. lol. haa. it was a little too long but i guess it was worth to watch. and yes, hugh jackman is forever hot and sm was so damn jealous. haaaha.
then head to raffles place to chill and relax. we were hungry so grab a bite at mcdonalds. and spent our time there till i catch the last train.

the next day, which is yesterday, i woke up as early as 8am to meet him. waited for his call and off i go to Raffles Place Mrt on a taxi. $8.10 weii. haaa. then straight to had our breakfast at mcd again,. he had his favourite hotcakes and i got my mcgriddles. lovely morning heh.
then walked to suntec (not that far eh?) and watched star trek. i dont really understand but as long as the actors are damn cute then i can watch la. lol.
after which we had our damn fav BK and went to clementi to get my takoyaki. lol.
and........ i went home......

oh dear, please call me now. i know u r still sleeping but wake up la!!!!!! need to listen to u before i go work!!!!! eheh.

k ppl. thats all.
pst. i am wearing jubah to work. awkward. heh. mcm nk g raye. dear loves me wearing kurong and jubah. he said, "manis sgt."
heck. sorry ah. tk dpt ah nk pakai hari2. haha. nasib hanis montessori fully-aircon.

bye ppl. i love my days.

i believe i can fly..

2009-05-10T21:07:00.002+08:00

salams peeps.

did nothing much today. email-ed head teacher the summaries she's been pestering me for. then watched tv and did some cleaning. what a boring day. and since i still have the sleepy mode due to saturday's hang out with sm, i slept for almost 12 hours. and then i am still sleepy now..
oh, Hafiz AF7 sang 'i believe i can fly' and he gave it the best he can and yes, obviously, its the night's bestest performance and he is sure going to win if Malaysia votes properly and rationally. i mean, puh-leaseee ah Malaysia! he can go very far seh. his voice. omg. i seriously was melting and called sm to sing and obviously he cant. lol.

ok about sm and me. i dont really know. feelings and rationality are two different things. i can think, but my feelings just said, "i love you..".. so yeah. i bet you guys know whats my decision - again! - for this matter. but he has been good today. and yesterday. was fine. thank you for that, dear love.

anyways, i am super tired!! i need the june holidays to come soon! like seriously! please! (though 2 weeks hols only, i still am looking forward to it. yay-ness!)
and that means, workplace is going to shift soon. CCK here we come!! haha.

and and, i miss my Muhd Haqimi Muhd Fandi already! mi mi mi mi tuk tuk betol! esok akan ku cubit pipi mu sampai merah! lol. child abuse ehk. isy2.

ok. thats all for now. waiting for the man to call and then off to bed.
night people!

was it supposed to be that way?

2009-05-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

hey people.
miss HAQIMI!!!!!!

hehe. anyways, talked things out - again - with sm. all night talking. and we still couldnt find the answers. i mean it, sm.. if we were to part someday, i wont dare to fall for any guy. i wont dare to even look at a guy. i wont dare to know a guy. a part of my heart hates guys. co guys are bunch of jerks. ( exept a few. )
i wont dare to commit into a relationship ever. everything just because of you. YOU.
i know, you made the mistakes. but it was so unreasonable to throw the things into the river just to vent out your anger. why didnt you throw me too? hahhhh? bingit bebbb.
and fyi, it was the precious thing ever, really. i dont care if it was a ring which cost only $130. but it was precious. you threw away our love.
and now.. the ball is in my hands... yes, we still call each other the way we used to call. but my heart?.. i dont have a clue.

one yeo's barley bottle can break a couple up. unreasonable!

2009.

2009-05-04T16:35:00.003+08:00

people! DUE TO PEER PRESSURE, I ANNOUCE FROM TODAY ONWARDS,

I HAVE A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.

thank you.

my bestest bestfriend

2009-05-04T10:26:00.006+08:00

salamz all.

know what is a bestfriend?
a bestfriend is someone who cares for you, who likes you the way you are and dont bother about anything people said about you. someone who takes care of you like nobody else in the world is. and who really shows that you are a treasure. who dont even care what you said to him/her. who just think of your happiness and safety. your health. your well-being. even if you said harsh words to him/her.

and guess what? i am so lucky. besides my girlfriends who have all the things mentioned above, i have a bestfriend. i may be his lover. i may be his girlfriend. but he is my bestfriend. my bestest bestfriend. and dont get me wrong. my gfs are my bestest bestfriends too. only that this guy is a guy. ok?
we had some serious conversation yesterday. hence my sad ending for the day yesterday despite enjoying it at sentosa.

dearest you,
i am sorry for whatever i said.
you may hate me now. really. you have the right to hate me.
but you dont.
why? i dont know. if i were you, i will go far away forever.
but you dont. you stay.
i am not sure of what is our relationship now.
and i know you are confused too.
but trust me, you will be loved forever.
i am so sorry for the harsh words yesterday.
it hurt you so much. so deep. i know.
thus, i apologise to you.
with deepest regret. with sincerity from my heart.
with love.

and to that, i promise, we'll have our vesak day together, with my mouth taped! haha. not literally taped. haha. and yes, we'll watch 'jgn tegur' together k? my treat k? ILY.

thats all for now.

fun day lah.

2009-05-03T20:01:00.003+08:00

salams all.
i had a fun day today. despite having lots of summaries that need to be done by tomorrow, i still went out. i really need the break mannnn...
it was a sad beginning and sad ending for today. but in summary, i had super duper fun. confused? heh.
well well. lets not drag on the sad parts. met sm for a while. we dont know where to go at first, but decided to go sentosa. lol. tried to drag him to take the cable car. but he was too strong. so.. of course, took the bus. thought of going to the underwater world. but the place was like so many people. mcm nk tgk konsert. asal gaknye ehk. ikan2 joget2 nyanyi2 ke?? haha. so we went sightseeing. well, sightseeing ape je ntah. so we felt bored and then proceed to palawan to see the animal encounters. the parrot show. kinda cute and hilarious! and the parrots were soooooo smartttt. they can add 6 and 7! cool or whattt. ade maths lesson going on ke backstage tu? nk jadik guru maths nye bole? lol.
after a while we took the bus back to harbourfront. and to my surprise, i got sunburn! like wth! i didnt even look at the sun. sensitive skin huh. and to think that i didnt put on the sunscreen lotion. shoooottsss.
then, we proceed to plaza singapura to take something from dont know who. sm's friend. and after that we eat, like obviously! Burger King! our fav!!! mushroom swiss double!! woohoo!
and then, i just remembered that i have to buy something for school so went to tanjong katong complex to get the things and, then. off home. dad as usual speed like michael schumacher , and we reached home safe and sound in 40mins! heh.
and i am putting the aloe vera lotion to my face. gosh. like suntanning or whattt!!!

oh and and!
yesterday kn... watched akademi fantasia and guess what? hafiz was the first!! haha. k its not like final or what. through voting, hafiz got 62% of all the votes. cool or whattttttt!!! his vocal was so powerful and flawless. and he looks cute too! so to all if you got time, go youtube and type 'hafiz AF7 konsert minggu ke-8'. worth your time baby!!! hehe.

ok thats all for now. bye loves!

2009-05-01T08:05:00.002+08:00

salam everyone.

wahh like so long never update. tapi takpe. bukan ade org bace pon. heh.
anyways, my life has been like, so busy. everyday balek 6pm 7pm. new thematic theme board, PTC summore.. and then, we're moving on the 2nd june. so everything kene ready. oh my god. teaching aids baru! need to be done before moving there. grr. like whaaattttt??? 1 month more to go???
plus, heard from uncle Jo there will be more kids coming. so.. have to enjoy my May. haha. oh and, we are having farewell party on the last day of school. just to say bye-bye to the centre.

but overall, it was such an experience working in childhood education. now i know why many of my surroundings love childhood. heh. i dont take pictures of the kids and me coz we have to respect the parents. kang ade nanti complain muke anak tersebar kt internet! an offence seh tu. haha.
oh and, i really like seriously menyampah ngn GM of a child nie. so irritating mannnnnnn.. like the GC so perfecccttttt.da ejaan dpt 1 je. ckp banyyyaaakkkkkkk. watever lah ehk.

okla. since i need to complete my summaries for Explorers and Challengers, i wont be going out today maybe. but family is having BBQ at East Coast Park. (baru last wednesday pegi wif the kids. haha.)
hurry up la zuliana! summary! teacher Liti pon boring gaknye ngn aku. haha.

kk ppl. illalliqa'!

getting over it is harder than i thought

2009-04-19T13:36:00.002+08:00

hey all.
u know i failed my TP. and i thought its going to be over today. oh gosh. hard mann to get over it. sampai dlm mimpi seh. haiyyo.

ok2 watever zuliana.

result.

2009-04-18T16:10:00.002+08:00

and i failed.....

its ok. i am not going to give up. because it was a mistake.. according to pointers, i passed. but.......

i have an immediate failure. so... i am not going to give up...

lets do it again, on 1st june yeah zuliana??

this time, i am not goint to give it a chance...

(the tester was very very very kind. i like him! he was disappointed too... )

and my instructors saw me and asked. and they were shocked.
masalah nye kalau parking ke, okay jgk ah. ni course je. i hate crank course from the right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kk tkpe. so thats all for today.

when 10am strikes...

2009-04-18T07:58:00.001+08:00

i am soooo nervous.. only God knows how i feel inside...

i hope... i pray... i wish...

i will pass my TP test...

amin...

2009-04-17T18:51:00.002+08:00

15 more hours to my Traffic Police Test!!!

and i am dead scared plus nervous.. and not sure of myself....

yesterday... during my revision.... after everything... my instructor ( the most handsome and dashing but very quiet one ) said....

"you know.. you improved a lot. i like your lane change. way better than before. but one thing. comes to me as a surprise. no, its a nightmare. how come your vertical parking was like that? promise me one thing? you take it easy and calmly during test, and make sure you do it right? please?"

oh Allah.. please guide me all the way..
i need to stay calm.. i cant succeed under nervous breakdown. i know myself.
i must make sure i wont have nervous breakdown..
everyone... doa for me will you? thanks for the wishes and prayers. love u all lots.

now i have only myself to succeed. jiayo! i can do it!

p/s: have i told u before i liked the instructor because he has the same face as sm? hahhhh. lalalalalal. so dashinggg. k diaaammmm.

2009-04-16T18:29:00.002+08:00

ya Allah!!! tahu tk hamba Mu ni sungguh teramat stress?? dahlah ade high blood pressure!!!

kk. look eh. i have a lotttt of work. like seriously. coming up next is april's thematic board. then on the go is DP updates. teaching aids for new centre. (CCK branch). (we're moving to cck). teaching aids is like a lot. and then..... PTC. which is parents-teachers conference. that means i have to finish up all the ECs summaries, and kinders' summaries. like wat sia...

okla. btw. its 16th april 2009. today will be my last revision for driving, before my Traffic Police Test. which is on the 18th april. wish me luck ppl. and please pray for my success!!

and that also mean.. 20th april is coming soon. why? well. someone is coming back. sigh. wateverr.

oh yes. i need to share this joke.

haqimi, the one cold night boy, was soooo innocent and cute and lovable.

i was teaching him 'sha sho dho'...

me: k qimi. this is شَ

him: (he follows. "sha")

me: and this is صَ...

him: huh? صَ صَ صَ ? صَ i saw u!!! (and he smiled innocently)

i was like........... mcm nk pekik pon ade!

cute kn!!!!

then.. tadi bile nk ajar huruf lain, mati2 die nk yg 'saw saw saw i saw u.'

geram seh. dahlahh pipi tembam yg amat.

btw ppl. i love a voice. seriously. he totally got the nicest voice.

HAFIZ AKADEMI FANTASIA 7!!!!!

tak caye? g la youtube. type je 'hafiz Akademi Fantasia 7'

konfem. serious sehhh.. wahliow. i can melt melt melt u noe!! i loike!!

heh. k la.

need to go now. to revision. bye ppl.

darling.

2009-04-14T11:04:00.007+08:00

salams..

for someone as lovely and cool as this rose. or maybe more than this rose. for one of the nicest friend. for you.

one of the person i trust. one of the person i wont forget. and of course. one of the person i wont forget... never will any one on earth will ever replace you. kite carik kat sume daerah mane pon, awk spesel k. heh. even kite terjun masuk dasar lautan india pon kite tk kn dpt carik yg sebijik seiras sespesel se'cool' secantik awk. k?

thank you. for all your care. thank you for all the laughters and tears. thank you for the sharing sessions. oh and. erk. we are still at episode 1 if you know what i mean. lol.

happy birthday to you.

happy birthday to siti nur atiqah.

happy birthday to you.

here's your 19th birthday cake. tataplah eh. nk mkn tk dpt capai. tgn terkapai-kapai. erk. what was that?

p.s: sorry for the late wish. i was having a migrane and so cant face the lappy too long to put in word for you. miss you. take care.

dead

2009-04-14T10:14:00.002+08:00

salamz all.
i have been sick since yesterday and went to the doctor. high blood pressure.omg.
so asked around what to take and what to avoid and siti told me to eat celery. drink celery juice and that was what i intend to do. untill....
i bought a celery juice, 100% celery, without ice. the first sip? dont ask me about it. for someone who rarely consume veggies, especially the hard ones, (i only eat the leaves. i hate the batang2 of the veggie) it is 99.999% impossible for me to continue with the big cup of juice i just bought. ohmygod.
i just told myself its not going to kill me, infact its going to save me. ohgosh. celery dear celery. can you taste a lil bit like kitkat chunky? or twix? or double cheeseburger? or mcwings? or maybe just lil bit like koko krunch? or coke? kk., atleast ah, coke light? TAKDE LANGSUNG RASE MCM TU EH. grr.
and the juice cost me an awesome $3.50. how awkward. it doesnt taste anything like i mentioned above u noe. double cheeseburger cost me only $2. a bottle of coke from the machine cost me only $1.30. oh gosh.

anyways, i want to thank sec5iman2006 for making my day a lot more fun and better and greater on the 12th april, sunday. though we had some problems of where to go after bowling, we still managed to have fun till 8plus at night. oh and i love the caramel ice blended from coffeebean. its great seriously. as usual, guys are always naughty and i realised they become a lot more naughtier now u noe. haha. girls? we always talk about.........marriage!!!! lol. and surprise surprise!!!!
my dearest long-time good friend IS GETTING MARRIED THIS COMING AUGUST!!!!!
SURIANA!!!!!!!!
like seriously, everyone was shocked. we never expect suriana to tie the knot first. wah. jeles jeles. lol.
okla. saket mcm tk saket aku ni.
need to rest. and need to think of ways of how to finish up this celery juice! oh goddddd.
okla. bye ppl.

and yes.

2009-04-06T17:37:00.004+08:00

so.... yes. i am back.

why? because wordpress thingy doesnt work for me. ok, this is still under construction so forgive me if its not to your likings.

anyways, err, problems come problems go. i dont know what tomorrow brings for me. but i am sure that whatever happens, i will try to take things easy. i will try to be as calm as i can.

well, i personally think that i react impulsively that day and i shouldnt acted that way and i apologize. but you, you have to know i dont appreciate bad nightmares or 'surprises' as you said. just be straight forward and i am fine with it. and yes, i still C A N N O T believe you fully now. what what. like sh**. i just hate myself for trusting you too much. i thought.. well, yeah. in the first place i was the one who is at fault. i think that you are so perfect but you ARE NOT. so yeah. wateverr.

by the wayy. work has been tough, but i can cope with the pressure now. i adapted well the first month. yey. alhamdulillah. and remarks have been, positive lil bit la. to be fair. the only thing is that the pay is not so much but at recession time like this, i wont complain that much.

oh have i told you that my driving instructor wants to enrol his son to this montessori? heh. yeah. i think he'll come by end of this month. hah. another one yey.
and and. mdm jam came just now to our surprise. lucky i have finished all my work and was just prepaing things before the kids come. so yeah. and she was in a good mood. oh by the way mdm jam is THE owner of hanis montessori kindergarten. she is the head of the head. hah. and she's firm i tell you. once she spotted a mistake, she will definitely tell you off straight to your face infront of anybody and she bloody dont care about it. so yeah. hah. i was pretty nervous to be frank. head teacher told me to just keep calm.
and she asked me to come into the office. ohmygod. i thought i did mistakes but nope. she was asking about whether i am planning to stay here for long or temporarily and if i am here for long, she will send me to get a DPT. i didnt decide that moment because i really need to reconsider about going to U you see. so yeah. let time decides. i hope i wont make any decision that i will regret later on.

ok. thats it for today.
a good news. i just got call from someone. believe me. its a good news.
double happiness after double sadness. hah.
bye

for so long

2009-04-05T10:22:00.001+08:00

i am back here.

peer pressure, huh?

2009-01-17T22:13:00.003+08:00

like every other teen, i am affected greatly due to peer pressure. so........ not much to say.... here's something new...

http://mintandpeppermint.wordpress.com/

i will still keep my blogspot because i love it so much. and, wordpress wont have any tagboard coz i dont know how to deal with it and i think, nah, its ok. coz even my blogspot's tagboard is not flooded. hah. sindiran yg keras.
anyways, thats all about it.
so when you are bloghopping later on, remember, zuliana will be updating there. or maybe here. check out both sites ok? heh.

thanks a million dearies.
goodnites.

struck by lightning

2009-01-16T23:27:00.002+08:00

its time.
its time for everyone to know the truth.
the truth which will hurt everyone.
which will lose their trust on me.
its time.
time for everyone to know about me.
i am not a liar. not a cheater.
but i just cant tell properly how i feel.
what have i done.
i do not want to repeat the same mistakes ever again.
it is already a heavy burden on me,
making the wrong decision.
but i am so scared.
i fear. fear everything will be taken from me.
i am such a loser.
dear, i know you'll stand by me.
but i dont know if i'll stand by you till the end.
because you already knew it.
i am such a coward.
but i am not a liar.

back

2009-01-16T11:00:00.003+08:00

i am back!! heh.
driving was super fun! i drove from bukit gombak,jurong, toh guan, lakeside, and all the way to cck.
cool or what kn....
kak ana!!
i passed by ur house!!!
haha not sure if u will read my post. heh.
oh btw kak ana is my sister-in-law-to-be.
the instructor kept advising me on stuffs.
but overall he's great. his name is husry.
drove at nearly 70km/h. scary though. fear i might not be able to stop if the light turns amber then red. hah. but everything was ok. except one time the car jerk because i forgot to release the accelarator pedal. heh. sorry mr insrtuctor!
apart from that, i managed to control the car the whole one hour and 40mins lesson! worth it babes!

oh and now i am resting at ayu's place. i feel so bored nowadays.
sm was so lazy to go out. so i have to be at home lor. gfs all schooling. argh. boring tau?
annoying ah dok umah. i tend to eat more when i am at home.
oh btw. these few days back i stayed at my yishun house. so cool or what i have a house in singapore! lol. ok that is our house. but parents rent it to foreigners so we can get more income and therefore we stay in jb. so now, the china family went back to their homeland so mum wants to clean the house and add more things in it so that we can increase the rental fees. heh. meaning more shopping?? yey! lol.

ok, looks like the post is already too long. will update again if i am free ok!
*tapi mcm tkde pembace pon... tkde org pon tag.. :((
ok bye.

*i miss you.

---waiting for 6.45am

2009-01-16T06:21:00.003+08:00

hello people.
i am waiting for the clock to be 6.45am so that i can get out of the house for my driving license which starts at 8am.
driving has been fun fun fun for me. the previous lesson was quite boring. blame me for forgetting my PDL! so i have to drive in the circuit only!! oh god! boring sgt!
but the instructor was super nice. he asked me to try the s-course, which means the road like letter S. got it? first try sucks because i hit the kerb! lol.
and then he asked me to go to the crank course or something. the shape is like a periscope. its 2 90degress turn leyy.
that one, i have to repeat. hahaha. always forgot to turn more and fast. blablabla.
on top of everything, i still love driving! yey.

anyways, still no work for me because i still want to have fun! lol.
and i am super duper lazy to job-hunting!
2 tutees is ok la for me.
oh and, btw, Final Theor Evaluation coming like sooon soooon soooonnnn...
so scary. everyone says FTT is super hard. i'm dead.
haha.
ok its now 6.30am maybe i'll go make some coffee and eat something before the instructor says that i dont eat much-didnt he look at my fat body?
"awk ni, turn the steering wheel fast. tk cukup mkn eh.."
*dlm hati aku kn, nk ckp aje badan besar gini tk cukup mkn ke. tapi tkpelah.since die bwk aku g try those pusing2 nye bende. yay. haha.*

emosi jap

2009-01-11T21:11:00.002+08:00

kadang2 kan, org ni tk tau yg die pon bersalah tau.
betol.
kadang2 diri sendiri ego, tk pernah nk lihat diri sendiri.
sebesar mane pon salah org, tkkn lah sampai tknk maaf-memaafi.
ini ke islam ajar?
ini ke ibubapa kite ajar?
utk jadi ego?
utk fikir kite ni hebat?
sampai marahkan org lame2?

kalau lah kite nie hebat sangat, lebih lagi kepentingannye utk kite maafkan org.
ikot resmi padi kn?
tk tau lah, kalau hebat lagi dari rasul Allah.
tapi, tkde org yg lebih hebat.
jadi, konklusi nyer?
maafkan saje lah org...
berdamai lah..
islam suke perdamaian.
walaupon kite nampak mcm kite yg kalah bile kite maafkan org,
tapi pade pandangan mate Allah kite menang.
menang ujian Dia..
tk gitu?
mengalah tk bererti kalah.

jgn ikotkan nafsu.
renungkan bersame eh korg sume..
suci kan hati tu. tenangkan fikiran...

marina barrage. ct and deel.

2009-01-09T22:53:00.007+08:00

salamz to all.

firstly i am going to warn everyone this post is a long one so if any of you is in hurry dont bother reading on. hah.

last tuesday, i went to marina barrage with ct and deel. hah. it was out of boredom and we decided to go marina barrage since both of them have not gone there and my first visit there was not as pleasant as i could remember.

as usual, i am the first one to arrive at marina bay mrt station.

then ct came 5 mins later and deel, err, 15mins later? macaaammm biaseee.

then off we go to marina barrage......wee~~~
understand understood, we took a lot of pictures!! and we talked about a lot of stuffs...

so,, here are the pictures, captions will be included k.. enjoy people!!

lucky i brought my camera!

this one, self-timer....just arrived at marina barrage....

ct and deel. pose pose. yeah. haha.

ok actually this was taken before we even take the shuttle bus. malas nk edit. diam!

self-timer again. hehe.

da dapat momentum nak main air. oh and deel purposely let herself wet. it was a sunny day anyway.....

and we dry our feets off before putting back on our shoes. heh.

oh btw. i was laughing trying to think, marina barrage is a huge place filled with water everywhere. and they also have this....below...hahaha. so cute.

and ct was naughty.

and as usual we took pics together.......

took pics with the flyer.....

and the flyer........

and i dont want the flyer. what a great impact mum has done towards me. lol

and ct got naughty again..

"an engineering challenge it was. to build such a great reservoir all by myself!"lol.

and of course, the toilet. though deel thought the toilet is not so extravagant and interesting.

and of course, FIRE HOSEREEL. hahaha. marina barrage sey.

and we cam-whored even at the hill. timer again. i love my cam!

hello all. i am zuliana. 19 turning 20. i am not married yet. anyone want? lol.

"maa un."
"water"

ct got to wait for us. we were praying.

deel and me. by the river. reminiscing... the old days...

and with the student leader.

so.... we had the bestest times. well, give us break huh. a level results going out less than a month from now, so... let us enjoy la k...

haha..

to be frank, these two made my day. and of course i made their day too.. haha.

too bad only 3 of us. i miss all the darlings!!!

ok, come on ppl. need 1 gathering soon!!!

thats all. ct, deel. done with the pictures!!

morning fever

2009-01-06T07:06:00.003+08:00

a very good morning to everyone!
ok, if any of you ask why i am awake so early in the morning, heh, i also dont know lah.

yesterday, i told my mum and dad how my 1st driving lesson.
and i watched my brother played chess from my laptop in the car otw to jb.
and i am still sad because i dont know how to play chess. :-(
anyone nak ajar??

anyways, i am so looking forward to today! yayness!
though sm have to work overtime today. so the plan was cancelled.
but but, i am looking forward to meet deel and ct today.
weeeee....
i dont know where we'll go but maybe we'll go marina bay. haha.
so enthusiastic coz i've been asking sm to bring me there-or in this matter, i bring sm there.
but sm said strictly, "tkde faedah nye pegi sane. malas lah. buang tambang."
huh? tkpe2. i have ct and deel. heh.
sooo, yeah, we'll be going there.
and guess what? i'll be back into the gym on wednesday.
yayness. i am fatter day by day and i just cant accept that fact because i am not married and though if i am married i wouldnt want my body to be bigger than this, i swear. haha.
seriously, i am too fat already. all the fats can already be seen though sometimes i wear clothes which last time i wear to make me slimmer than i was. but i cant now. so thats a problem. maybe i must go out with ct everyday? haha

ok thats all. waiting for sm to call and then i'll do my part-time job that is: zzzzzzzz
bye ppl.

driving, despite backpain

2009-01-05T13:18:00.004+08:00

hello all.

i went to bbdc late just now! i am supposed to go out of ayu's place at 7am but i got out of the house at 7.20am. and i was late by 20mins.
grr.

i was already half-way done with my compact powder when i accidentally brushed off the mascara which i have not used anyway. so i have to clean my face back and get out of the house without eyeliner coz my left eye was in terrible pain.
in addition to my 'sufferings' my back was still in pain, (it still is now) and i thought of going back home after reaching bbdc.

as soon as i arrive bbdc, i went to print out the allocation slip and run to the outdoor area. and since it was my first driving lesson, i was so blur. an instructor asked me my car number which was printed on the slip and i looked at him and smile. wth kn?

so he come nearer to me and looked at my allocation slip, and shouted, "suffiyan! your student!"
and he asked me to go to car 126.
ok. so they got car numbers.

fast forward. the driving instructor was muhd suffiyan. he was, err, cool. quite cute, i must say.-fine this is so not important.
after slight briefing on what to do before driving, he asked to change seat. so i had to sit at the driver's seat. dah, dah gabra!
ok then learnt how to drive straight and reverse.
then he said, "not bad, so now, u have to park."
i was so scared. "sure 1st lesson have to park?"
then he said, "haha. u looked scared already. kalau nk blaja parking skg pon boleh. nak?"
i replied, "tknk! takot."
and so he asked me to drive along the circuit. had 3 sharp bends-i mean it. SHARP bends. and 1 gradual bend. i was quite familiar after 4 rounds in the circuit so, i just continue driving.
and guess what? its interview session. he asked me like everything. from where. work or school. blablabla. haha. hello mr instructor, look ahead. u r supposed to teach me how to drive. lol.
so at the end of my lesson, he told me, "if this is your first time driving, then you are quite good already. nots bads. "
lol. and he is cute. lol.
ok2, dah cukop zuliana.

anyways, so hows the experience?
he also asked me that.
i'd say...
"scary, but fun. i'm excited and cant wait for next lesson."
yey!