I am back to blogging. Need some space to let it all out. Fb & twitter not helping. So.. Here i am. And i dont care if no one reads this. All the better, you see.
Life has been good so far. The only difference now and then is YOU. I happened to make a decision which affects both of us. We still care about each other. Atleast, i still do. But i guees some things are not meant for each other, even when both have mutual feelings, other things that surrounds us will be the factor to part our way.
I made that critical decision because i'm worried. Worried about what my future would be if i'm with you. No, not because of money. More of will. The will of you to change, the will for ne to accept if u dont change. I cant love u just the way u are, so why am i still with u, right?
Most importantly, religion. How am i going to lead a meaningful life when someone i marry to doesnt have strong faith? Doesnt have enough foundations to lead me? No, dont tell me i have to lead you. Might as well i'll be alone, forever.
Anyways, although whatever reason i state here wont make me forget you. Your kindness. Your acceptance. No one, seriously, NO ONE, has ever seen my worst. Except you. And of course, God.
You were there. You were. Just that its not enough to make me happy.
Next week will be the last week you'll be in Singapore. To be honest, my heart doesnt want to let u go. But i have to. I have to fight what my heart says to do. Because i know i'll hurt u more if i ask u to stay. Again. (i did that once, and the result? I hurt u deeply now)
Our relationship was complicated. But i'm glad i have known u. I'm glad for all the night calls, all the saturday meetups, all the "come fetch me from work and we'll have dinner and go home".. All of them. I'll cherish them.
And i'll pray for your best too. I'll pray you will have someone better, who if not successfully change u to a better person, will accept u just the way u are. :')
I miss you. I will miss you.
Love and loads of love,
One who will regret,
Zuliana.
